Embracing the Feminine

I’ve come to realize that growing up, I was always swayed by society to think that a productive life meant going to work every day from 9-5, working in a corporate job, making a bunch of money, and that’s how I felt productive. Ever since becoming a wife, mother of two children, and now three dogs, I’ve realized that productivity is not just going to “work”. Actually, in fact, motherhood and providing feminine support is the most productive job or role anybody could have. Mothers and people living in their feminine era are so productive that from the time they wake up, they’re helping others, thinking of others, constantly doing whatever they can to make sure that everybody feels comfortable and nurtured. We are providing a safe and playful fun environment for kids and families, and even other other people, friends, everyone in our inner circle. This role of providing supportive energy has been the most productive role that I’ve been playing my whole life and I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I used to joke that my corporate job was a break from the stressful, chaotic life of motherhood, and it was for some time, but what I have come to realize is that motherhood and being a woman (living in my feminine) does not have to be stressful or chaotic. Living in the feminine can be calm and fulfilling and productive and all of these things that I’ve always wanted to be, I just needed to slow down. Going to a corporate 9-5 just isn’t the vibe for me anymore, and I’m learning new ways to feel productive and feel like I am contributing to society, because I am and I have been for a long time. It took me awhile to realize that living in the feminine can feel just as good, if not better, than living in the masculine like I have been for the majority of my life. *Note: every human has feminine and masculine energy and no one energy is good or bad. The key to success is harmony and balance of the two energies.

Examples of living in the feminine: cooking, baking, gardening, drawing, writing, reading, creating, feeding, nurturing, sympathizing, empathizing, comforting, teaching, coloring, art, music, playing, laughing, meeting with friends, meeting with family, mindfulness, breathwork, yoga, meditation.

Examples of living in the masculine: checklists, step by step instructions, running, analyzing, cardio, building, planning, finance, business, economics, politics, corporate, architecture, protecting, goal setting, planning.

I’ve also come to realize that society wants women to feel less than because there’s this feeling of emasculated energy. This feeling that men or masculine beings are trying to find their place in the world. Masculine energy stunted by trauma only tries to gain power by putting other people down, but that is how this idea was built that men are better than women. Obviously, this is simply not true. No one gender or energy is better than the other, and what we, as humans, need to do is come together and work in harmony with each other. We need to work with each other, not against each other. One way to do this is to help the collective heal trauma. I truly believe that any bad behavior that any person exemplifies is all stemmed in some sort of trauma, whether that be largely childhood or other traumas that people experience later in life. It is astonishing to me that instead of trying to root cause bad behavior, we just punish or give consequences to people that are so obviously hurting and lashing out. These consequences are also most likely some sort of isolation (prison or jail) which is only going make their behavior worse. In reading “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk M.D., I have learned that alienating people and not providing them a community actually triggers trauma responses (and probably bad behaviors) even more. It makes so much sense to me that all these bad behaviors are rooted in some sort of trauma, whether it be childhood or adulthood, any type of trauma. We are all so familiar with the term PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but it feels like nobody is really working to identify and heal the trauma that is resulting in these bad behaviors. As a society, we would rather just find the “bad people” and punish them. I really don’t think punishment is helping anybody. Studies have shown, when people are experiencing flashbacks of traumatic events, there is little to no brain activity in the area of the brain in charge of speech which can result in the inability to speak. This means it can be extremely hard for people to talk about the trauma that they’ve been through and the bad behaviors that relate to this trauma. So putting someone in a room and questioning them about their bad behavior, just doesn’t really make a lot of sense at all. We need more people that are more willing to look into what the root cause of the bad behavior is rather than just focusing on the punishment and ending there.

So to tie this all together, what I’ve been thinking about a lot today is embracing the feminine, the intuitive, the creative, the playful, the fun, the emotional, the empathetic, the sympathetic, all of these terms that are related to the right side of your brain (feminine side of your brain). And I really want to take a deeper look at how people are acting and how they’re feeling and why they’re feeling that way, and then determining a plan of action to help them. First use the right brain (empathize, comfort, listen) before we can use the left brain to develop a plan, a step by step, use the logical, the analytical side. Before we can even begin to figure out the plan of action, we need to first root cause it and empathize with people. I’m also tying this back to motherhood because I myself, have been living so long in my masculine, going to work, this step by step routine, 9-5 corporate job, and I’m really stepping into my feminine now, which feels so good. It feels so fun and free and creative and I’ve been able to think outside the box instead of just going through the motions, and that’s really helped me come into my own and find my true purpose. I’ve been researching somatic therapy, which is healing trauma and calming the nervous system (getting out of fight or flight mode) and I’m super passionate about that right now. I am able to use this information in my day to day life with my family, toddlers, husband, dogs. It has helped me empathize and slow down to really try to understand where others are coming from. I am also building the foundation to start being able to help heal more people because that really is my passion. I’ve always loved helping people and healing people. A quick nod to astrology, I’m a Virgo rising and Virgos are all about health and wellness and helping others, so it just it it really makes a lot of sense for me.